I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
