you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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