everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
