Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize