Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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