Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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