I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
