Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
