your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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