I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
