I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
