Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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