Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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