Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
