you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
