I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he puts the penis in happiness.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
