Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
