Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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