i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
