you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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