I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
