we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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