I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
