you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
