YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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