i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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