Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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