I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
