I wish I could teleport
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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