Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
