If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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