AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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