I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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