How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
