I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
