oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
