She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize