i will never coherently bang her
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
