god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
