Your mouth is God's brothel.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
