Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
