I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
