I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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