I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my poor anus
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
