I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
