I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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