the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I didn't notice because vodka
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
