yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
