who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My first STD was from a foam party
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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