White coat. Heels.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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