My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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