just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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