i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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