Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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