I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
