i think my mom watched the whole time
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My ass is underappreciated
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
