Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
