I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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