My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
