If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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