btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize