on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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