I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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