a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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