I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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