turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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