is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
