Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
