You're completely useless in the revolution.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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