Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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