This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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