Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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